What a mind thought

Sitting at Starbucks, Empire Gallery Subang alone.

listening to the 80's music,

classic and calm.

A lot of my past flashing in my mind.

It makes me understand all the thing i going through...

is just reflection of my younger life.

God is fair to everyone.

How you hurt people and you will know the feeling one day.

How you love a person, and you will get the love as well.

Be neutral, be yourself, be what you want.

We don't know how many people has passing by in our life.

How many of the heart broken is because of us.

How many of the laughter is because of us.

How bright is the sunshine we have gave to others.

We always blame that life is unfair.

Complain and compare with others.

Have we think of what have we done before?

Is our attitude as bad as others before we comment?

I always believes in Karma.

Maybe you don't see the pain when other are hurts.

But you will understand one day.

As i always said, if one day you get what i mean,

and you still remember me, please give me a call.

Tell me that you finally understand what i meant.

And seriously i got a call from a friend about this before. =P

This is life.

Some people will apply it on relationship,

that's why they hate people who become 3rd party.

Some people apply it on work,

therefore there appear office politic.

Some people apply it on their family,

that's the reason there are some broken and sweet family around.

How you look at your life, your career, your family and your love?

Believes all of us did complain a lots about mentioned above.

While we complain about it,

do we really calm down ourselves, find out the way.

What caused this happen?

Is very hard for us to do so,

that's why there is a chinese sentence said...

The one in the situation lost and the outsider have a clear view.

If you are chinese educated,

don't waste all the sentences you learn.

Use it in your life, try to get yourself walk to a better way.

All the sentences have their own meaning.

Is just depends how you look at it and will you still remember it.

Sometimes be alone is quite sad and lonely,

but look it at the other way.

You have a clear and calm mind,

listen to music, observing around you.

It can be another kind of experience in your life.

I like to write, like to talk.

Maybe i just too much but i like to share my feeling.

Sometimes we are just too worries on how others look at us.

What's wrong with eating a burger with no vegetables at all?

What's wrong to have nasi lemak without sambal?

Sometimes we can't control what we suppose to do at work.

But please give some break to yourself.

Do something to pamper yourself.

Be yourself and enjoy what you like, what you want.

Everyone have their own personality and character.

You will get someone who admire you just because you are in your own way.

Not everyone will into you,

but believes in fate.

If your fate not meeting anyone in your life...

too bad, we can't do much.

Just accept it. hahahaha

Life is short.

We don't know what will happen the next.

Please think through and appreciate everything of yours.

The family, the one you loves, your friends, your life.

Don't lose yourself in your life,

you know that you are just amazing as you are. =)

我所知道的事。。。

喜欢陶吉吉的爱很简单，因为歌词很适合。

“忘了是怎么开始，也许就是对你有一种感觉，

忽然间发现自己，已深深爱上你，真的很简单。。。

没有后悔日夜为爱去追随，那个疯狂的人是我。

I Love You"

真的有点忘了我们如何开始。

觉得就像那首歌的歌词那样，

当我忽然发现时，已经深深地爱上你了。

从开始时，每天都像连体婴那样出出进进。

每天都要见面，都很甜蜜。

可是，我们有了第一次的争吵。

还有点儿严重那样，大家都睡不了。

可是啊，有谁会完全适合对方呢？

我们大家找个协调的方法解决了。

我们没有因为争吵而放弃。

我觉得我们可以做的更好~！

还记得我第一次对你发神经的讯息吗？

你还一头雾那样的不懂我为什么那样，

对我第一次大喊，还关了电话。。。

第一次，你看了我的解释的信息后，

来到我家对我道歉，还流下了你第一次的泪。

当然你这个臭脾气的大番薯怎可能之后就风平浪静呢。

我们有了第二、第三、第四和不断的争吵。

我想啊，那段时间应该是你人生算蛮低潮的时候吧。

没了工作、没了安全感、压力很大吧。

看着你，却让我想要把你好好照顾的想法。

我开始尝试在你努力找工的同时，

我努力的为你煲汤、煮饭，给你需要的支持。

尽我所能得帮忙，要一起牵手度过。

陪在你身边，好让你知道，怎么都好。。。

还有我在你身边支持你，陪你一起过。

可能对你而言，这是一段难过的回忆。

可是，对我而言却是甘甜的回忆。

我们除了有苦涩，还有着甜，

回头看，还是觉得是甘甜的

慢慢的，你变了~

越变越多。。。从小番薯变成大番薯。。。

从漏气的肚腩变成充气球。。。

从那尖型变成圆型的脸蛋和下巴。。。

不过，这一切的改变我并没有嫌弃，

反而我越来越爱你。

不止是外表，而你的内在也一样。

你变得不再对我大声说话，更关心我，

比起以前更细心、更爱我了。

这一切我都感觉得到，

当我现在回想这一切时，还真的流泪了。

你从来不知道，我多么的渴望得到你的肯定，

听见与看见你对我所承诺的。

多么 多么的想看见那一切一切实现的那一刻。

你不懂我有多么的喜欢在车里靠着你的肩膀，

看着那满是星星的夜空。

也许我们还没有机会去旅行，可是那种感觉好舒服。

你啊，就像番薯那样的笨。

你不懂在我伤心流泪的那一刻，我感觉到。。。

你已不像以前那样觉得压力而逃避，

你现在是要我把头靠在你的肩、

紧紧地握着我的手，然后抚摸着我的泪湿的脸庞。

好像在告诉我，你都知道我的感受。

有你在这里，你会让一切都变好，我不需再难过。

你不会明白那种感觉对我来说，是多么的温暖、

多么的可靠、多么的想就这样一辈子的依赖下去。

因为你的改变，让我失控了。

你对我而言已经比自己还重要。

可是，你这一切的改变，却让我承受不了失去你的痛。

除外，也让我开始自私的要把你独占。

而我想，我的这个改变为我们带来了很多烦恼。

我们开始乱了。。。

一切的平静，有了涟漪。

这一切却让我看到了，我想得到却会因此而失去。

我爱的太凶，却把你吓走。

对大家造成了压力，我也变成了你的负担。

写着、写着，我的泪却停不了。

伤感、感触、感动、激动、开心。。。

回想起之前你告诉我，你觉得你疼我多过她时，

我把这当了你会留在我身边的唯一希望。

有时候真的好想简简单单，只有两个人，

手牵手的一直走下去。

不管什么困难或欢乐，都一起牵手度过。

真正的完成两个字。。。

那就是 “我们”

我以为。。。这一切、一切

我以为我很坚强。

我以为我能挨过。

我以为我能放开。

我以为我能不想。

我以为我能不理。

我以为我能忘掉。

我以为我会若无其事。

我以为我不伤感。

我以为我不痛心。

我以为我活得下去。

我以为我不再想起。

我以为我不会再哭。

我以为你还会在身旁。

我以为你还在我生活里。

我以为起床时还看见你。

我以为我还睡在你的肩膀。

我以为还有你从背后抱我。

我以为还有你陪我入睡。

我以为你还紧紧握着我的手。

我以为你还会亲亲我的头。

我以为没有你在身旁会坚强。

我以为没有你在我能像以前的活下去。

我以为我可以把对你的思念放在工作。

我以为只要忙就没时间想起我们的事。

我以为时间可以洗掉我对你的爱。

我以为我还能像以前那样的笑。

原来这一切都是我以为。。。

原来我只能一个人坐着哭。

原来我只能勉强的欢笑。

原来我只能假装忙碌。

原来我只能想像被你拥抱着。

原来我只能自己握着自己的手。

原来我只会一个人坐着发呆。

原来我没有了生活的目标。

原来我只像有脑袋的行尸走肉。

原来我撑不到没有你的日子。

原来你已比我自己来的重要。

原来真相和想像是那么大差别。。。

原来我是那么笨的把你松开了手。。。

原来我不再能这样子的笑了。。。 =)

The working weekend at Genting

This weekend is my 1st working weekend at Genting.
Actually is a relax and easy manage job task,
i guess the tough part is how to spend the few hours in between the 1st and 2nd performance. LOL
Today, we have no more room to stay in and now sitting at Mc D,
spending our free time, listening to the screaming from Theme park,
looking at those peoples who same as us,
no way to go and sitting here to online and wait for time.

There are some feeling that i experience yesterday and it was so familiar to me.
Has been a long time i never walk around Genting by my own.
There are few different kind of feeling attacked me.
Calm because i'm alone and nobody knows me.
Cold and refreshing because of the weather and air up here.
Lonely, because there are no beloved with me.
Missing, because i'm consider away from the usual place i was.

I do really miss some kind of feeling, especially during midnite after the show and we walking back to our hotel room.
Windy night, but no one holding my hand & can't rely on a strong arm.
Walking in the cold air but there is no one hugging me from the back,
or no one wrapping the hand around my shoulder.
There is no one try to make my hand warm when it freezing cold.
This is the feeling i got when you are not around.
Not that i can't be alone or independent.
But just that i feel glad to have this kind of feeling towards you.
It's proof to me that you are important to me,
and i do really love you in every minutes and seconds.
You might not have the same feeling or you might have,
but i appreciate the time we have.

Looking at the clock, tickling slowly...
Try to get my eye sight out of my lappy,
guess what i saw?
Karen Tann with bored face sitting in front of me do nothing.
Oh my gosh, we are just don't know what else to do here.
She playing with her iphone 4 and i SWEAR i will get my HTC incredible S... One day .. LOL

Time oh time... my heart is like locking in a cage,
Desperate for seeing your face, talking to you and feel you with touching the precious face that i love so much.
What will my future lead me to?
How far can we go and how much time we still left?
I will try my best to treasure every second ...
I Love You... Yes, I do... =)

My Sunday ~

Is a sunny Sunday...
Guess most of the liverpool fans already in Bukit Jalil,
waiting to see the legend players in the game.

Sunday is still a Sunday.
Family day. Shopping day. Gathering. Outing with friends and others.
Shopping malls are just peak and everyone fighting for car park as well.
This is the life in City.

Sometimes i do really enjoy the life in smaller town.
With more green and the people with more humanity.
Missing those places that can really relax, chill and calm.
Even back to my hometown, i will feel better.
Yes, no doubt, Seremban not much entertainment,
maybe is boring for some of you.
But for me, it's just nice.
Even though got nothing much can do in Seremban,
but i guess stay home is just another way of enjoy for me.

Suppose to do grocery shopping today,
but just lazy to be sardine with the rest.
Maybe dinner time will be the best.
At this moment, i do nothing.
But don't get me wrong,
i'm not complaining boring to stay home.
I just enjoy the quietness,
putting on the headphone,
listening to my usual emo music,
but yet i still can hear the noise from that table fan
and.........
snoring !!!

I think the best for me is when i turn around,
see the naive, stress free kiddish sleeping face...
Guess the most naive face is when fall as sleep.
When you look at the one you love when they are as sleep,
will you feel like pamper them,kiss on the cheek
and feel the sweetness of just look at the face?
Have you experience the same thing with me?

I guess the feeling depends on person as well.
What you feel when you look at your parent's sleeping face?
Yes, still quiet and calm.
But there are some other feeling that make me sad and heart ache.
Their face just full of wrinkles which drew by the life path...
caused by the worries and hardwork on bringing us up.
But what have you returns them?
More heart ache and worries?
I trying very hard to give my mom whatever i can.
Unfortunately the only thing she wanted and i can't fulfill her is...
she want me to stay together at Seremban.
Hopefully i can get a house and make her stay with me no matter where.
At least she can see me everyday,
crossing my life and not like now.
But i knew she will not want to stay with me... =)

Sometimes human is just complicated.
We want everything.
Everyone is just greedy to have everything, included
happy marriage or love life, but at the same time,
we want our career as well.
How about your family? We wish to spend time with family as well.
Human just complicated.
If i could make a wish,
i guess i just want to be a simple woman,
who have a simple life, have a job to get income for living.
Cooking at home for family after work.
Chit Chat with the family and the love one after dinner.
Have some memorable trip.
Simple yet meaningful.
I guess this is what i really wish to have.
What about you?
Try to empty yourself and have a think.
It could be a good way to find yourself from lost. =)

如何衡量爱？

爱，如何去衡量？
有的人会说，他们爱他的另一半比较多。
有的人却说，他们的另一半爱他们较多。
到底哪一个情况会较幸福呢？
很多人在这样的问和想。

其实啊，很多人都很享受爱的过程。
其实，不管是你爱着他，或他爱着你，
谁爱谁比较多，其实能爱上一个人，可以相爱，
不就已经是一种幸福了吗？

能为你爱的人而努力、付出，你不觉得开心吗？
当你爱上了，
很自然的，你会想为他分担、一起努力、为他付出，
让他充满着笑容和欢乐。
看到这一些，你不就已经很满足和开心了吗？

既然你决定了去爱他，就不要计较。
可能有时候很难办到吧。
可是，当你想想。。。
你和他一起经过的日子里，
你为他付出和做了些什么，你真的还能记得吗？
因为我们从心里全心全意的付出，而不是期望回报。
既然这样，你又怎么还算的了呢？

可是，他为你所做的事其实你都知道。
可是人啊，有时候总会不自觉的想要更多。
回想起来，其实是否自己开始贪心，
而忘了他所为你做过的事呢？

有的人，因为他们有条件选择，
他们开始衡量谁会为他们付出较多。
想想这一切，如果你不爱那个人，
他能为你付出一切，甚至生命。
你觉得你选了和他一起，但并不是因为爱。。
你会幸福吗？

人啊都是感情动物，都是感性的。。。
很多人因为适应了或习惯了那种生活，
就算他们明白这不是他们要的，
可是他们却走不出那个习惯的圈子。害怕去改变
不止发生在感情，
其实在工作上，我可就是一个好例子。。。

其实，本人很喜欢王菲的执迷不悔。。
还记得有几句歌词很有意思。。
‘这一次我执着面对，任性的沉醉，
我并不在乎，这是错还是对。
别说我应该放弃，应该睁开眼。
我用我的心，去看、去感觉。
你并不是我，又怎能了解。’
有些事情啊，真的没人比你自己清楚，
你爱的是谁，你有多爱他，
这一切一切，都只有你自己最清楚。

爱上你，我从不后悔。
伤了你，我心痛不已。
看见你，我人似喝醉。
抱着你，我感到安全。
轻吻你，我像在梦里。
牵着你，我倍加自信。
因为还有很多很多的一切，
所以我每天都在努力的爱你一天比一天多，
希望有一天我们可以。。。
爱到老，我的痴人梦。。。

The happiness behind the shame

It was a very tired night and the rain makes me feel extra tired.
Was looking around at the shop lots...
deciding what to eat for dinner.
and we passing by this western restaurant with a guy standing outside of the door.
He try to greet everyone passing by,
just to hopes someone will dine in.
Sometimes certain job is just a bit tough...

When i done with my vegetarian dinner at few doors away from the western restaurant,
we passing by the restaurant again.
But this time is not that guy anymore...
This guy bit shorter compare to earlier one.
He seems a bit uncomfortable when i look at him.
He just feel shame to stand in front of the door but yet... is a part of his job.

His first reaction was avoid my eye sight,
use one of his hand to cover part of his face.
Actually there are a lot of job that you have to overcome the shame you feel.
You need to work for your living.
There are alot of the people have to be thick face or poker face to get their job done.
Sometimes they might loss their friend, or even their pride...
But there are always one thing that we sacrificed and to get what we want.

You will never know what is behind the story.
The guy who shame of his job,
he might enjoy nice dinner with his family when he get his paid.
He might able to send his children to school and see them happy with the study.
You never know what is in return.

Life is just full of surprise and unpredictable...
It might be good and bad at the same times.
Just depends how you want your life to be.
Appreciate the thing you have and you still can hold it now,
no regret when it no longer yours.
But human just greedy... They will hope to have it forever.
Just like me, i do hope the love towards me is forever and ever...