The happiness behind the shame

It was a very tired night and the rain makes me feel extra tired.
Was looking around at the shop lots...
deciding what to eat for dinner.
and we passing by this western restaurant with a guy standing outside of the door.
He try to greet everyone passing by,
just to hopes someone will dine in.
Sometimes certain job is just a bit tough...

When i done with my vegetarian dinner at few doors away from the western restaurant,
we passing by the restaurant again.
But this time is not that guy anymore...
This guy bit shorter compare to earlier one.
He seems a bit uncomfortable when i look at him.
He just feel shame to stand in front of the door but yet... is a part of his job.

His first reaction was avoid my eye sight,
use one of his hand to cover part of his face.
Actually there are a lot of job that you have to overcome the shame you feel.
You need to work for your living.
There are alot of the people have to be thick face or poker face to get their job done.
Sometimes they might loss their friend, or even their pride...
But there are always one thing that we sacrificed and to get what we want.

You will never know what is behind the story.
The guy who shame of his job,
he might enjoy nice dinner with his family when he get his paid.
He might able to send his children to school and see them happy with the study.
You never know what is in return.

Life is just full of surprise and unpredictable...
It might be good and bad at the same times.
Just depends how you want your life to be.
Appreciate the thing you have and you still can hold it now,
no regret when it no longer yours.
But human just greedy... They will hope to have it forever.
Just like me, i do hope the love towards me is forever and ever...

Daddy i love u and i miss u so much ...

Hi Dad,
guess this is the only way i can tell the words i wanted to tell you.
Your daughter still a fool,
even i know this way can't reach you but i still did...
I know you watching us at heaven now.

My life is quite messy recently.
Hope mama will not worry about me too much.
She getting older and it shows on her face.
Still remember tomorrow is your birthday.
Maybe because i fall sick and laying on the bed alone in the room,
all the memories showing in my head.

Remember how i surprise you and mama during birthday.
As well as father's day and mother's day.
But so sad that i can't give you the last father's day present.
I should show you earlier before you leave me.
I not filial. I accidently throw the father's day present.
But dad, not to worry about me.
I have take off the necklace which with your ring as pendant.

I try to be tough. i try not to cry when i miss you.
Just notice that long time i didn't visit you.
your face is slowly faded in my mind...
i was so worry one day my memories also faded.

I'm sorry dad.
I can't visit you on your birthday this year.
I fall sick, i try to go back but i can't.
Is a heart broken night, daddy.
Hopes you can hold my hand to sleep tonight.

我怀念的。。。Something i miss

怀念的

是你曾经的温柔

是你那细心的呵护

是你把我捧在手心的疼爱

是你凡事都为我的着想

是你对我从不吝啬的拥抱

是你好不保留的心

是你那温暖的轻吻

是你早上露出最真诚的微笑

是你对我在爱情的坚定

是你给我的安全感

是你努力的实现对我的承诺

是你想要和我过一生的冲动

是我们网上无所不谈的聊天

是我们一起买家庭用品的心甜

是我们一起享用我煮的晚餐

是我们两人呆在一起没事做却很快乐的时候

是我们没有隐瞒的分享着我们的事

是我们不分开的拥抱入睡

是我们离别时那种不舍的拥抱

是我们看着对方那充满爱的眼神

是我们睡醒时的拥抱和贴心的轻吻

是我们梦想着我们的未来

是我们还有很多很多还没一起做的事

我每天都在用这些怀念，

让爱可以走得更遥远。

我只害怕有一天，

这么的一切一切，只变成了回忆里的怀念。。。

LiL escape...

Sitting at the place that i used to work for past 4 years.
Looking at the clock tickling,
Air cond blowing at cathay pacific aircraft balloon,
counting the days on calendar,
I going to leave soon...

Since the day i step in this office,
i never expect i will leave one day,
but it still happened.
There are alot of the memories with different people i met.
I learn alot from them,
i became who i can't expect to be...

My life have changed.
From busy running around whole day,
to sitting at office and writting blog post.

Really Thanks for all the family and friends who support me,
not to worry about me.
I will be tough, i will stand still,
i will get a better job and you know im tough as you think.

But before that,
please allow me to have a lil escape from this reality world.
Looking forward my Bangkok trip which the 1st time i go alone.
It should be quite fun to walk around and snap pictures.
I wish i can do it often but i guess i need to get more money.

Reality world is just cruel to us.
Be hardworking together and achieve our dreams, my friends...

What a Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year should be a happy period for most of the people.
But i have seen some of them don't really like it,
cause they lost the person who suppose to be together.
Which is quite sad.

Not sure what is the feeling of happy reunion anymore...
I'm a bit lost, a bit of confuse and a bit of upset.
Our family is quite special,
We don't have to spend so many days to visit here and there,
we only need a day or two.

Can't remember since when we not visit the relatives at my dad side anymore.
I don't get to know their recent life,
Don't know where they are and so do them.
We just like totally lost contact but ...
We are all still in a small town, Which is Seremban.

Not sure what the issue lead us to this line,
but is really sad when think back.
Chinese New Year become more and more boring to me.
I'm getting older? I need a new start? or i'm just bored of human being?
I just don't like the feeling staying at home alone,
facing my laptop and i can't do anything.
Its so empty, lonely and sad.

Still remember a nice nick from my friend,
he said to me that im actually a tough bitch.
Wonder i should laugh or should angry.
He told me that i take alot of the responsible on my shoulder,
hide alot of things in the heart.. and i have a poker face.
The smiling face with the crying face at the back...

Just simply ...

As usual, same person - me,

same pet - fei po and bit bit ..

same environment - in my room..

still same.. do nothing ... ZzZZzzz

Maybe is a good time to sit down alone in the room..

looking at my 2 cutie furs.. sleeping next to me..

thinking of those old days..

its just like movie... every scene flash out in the head...

Can't believe that im 28 this year.

Time flies... what i have done and what i got?

Nothing... this is the answer and is quite tough for me to answer..

Seems like my life is really waste of time..

Follow my heart, do whatever i like?

No matter right or wrong, cause there are very hard to categorize them?

What is in your mind when you have a sleepless night

but still... you have to sleep through ..

Will your memories taste sweet or bitter?

People always said sleepless night is a long lonely night..

but i guess is not apply on me..

Why?

Because i heard snoring when i feel moody and YES! is my fei po !

I just love my cats..

No matter how emotional im, they are still there as usual..

sitting next to me,

miao at me,

be by my side... =)

Just like my family.

Feeling the pain of my teeth cause i put on my retainer.

but it doesn't distract me from the heart aching.

Can i sleep through the pain tonight?

Let's have a try ... wish me have a good night sleep =)

When you getting older....

Age does matter to a lot of people..

What will you feel and what will you see when you grow older?

When you still a baby, of course you can't remember anything.

Mom & Dad carry you everywhere,

spend most of their time to take care of you,

Teach you how to speak the 1st word,

Help you to move your 1st step.

Do you remember how they take care of you when you're young now?

There are a lot of unlucky children as well.

Nobody teach them,

Nobody accompany during their growing stage,

Nobody told them what is right and what is wrong,

Worst is they have to fight for their living with their small little hands.

Why are human become more complicated when they grow older?

Fight for better living?

Fight for everything because of their ego?

Fight for it because of someone?

Do you really know what your Dad & Mom thinking?

They really hope you not stress out because of work.

They don't want to see you stress out and cause arguement at home.

They wish you have more time to accompany them.

They wish to spend more time to take care of you while they still able.

They wish you found a good partner because they can't take care of you the whole life.

They wish you will remember them all the time.

They wish your love to them is sincere.

Doesn't all this wishes from them is what they did for you when you're young?

Do we really need to spend all our time on fighting for better living only?

Do we really spend time with them?

How long more they can wish and wait?

Age is kind at the time but it can be cruel as well.

Can you see the wrinkles that you didn't see it on them few years back?

They hunger for your care and love...

Spare your time for them before everything is too late...

Family is more important than everything.

Only family will standby you anytime.

Daddy looking at me from the starry night and make sure i'm alright.

Mommy having cough and unwell at home wishing me to pay her a visit when i'm off work.

Brother just argued with me and i feel sorry for that.

Sis-in-law having a sweet dream with my lovely niece.

Soul mate is waiting for my bear hug & kisses on my forehead in his dream.

I Love You All & Remember Nothing is more important than that ...